“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”   

Matthew 6:34

As the pandemic continues on, the constant grind of daily life pushes forward. It’s hard to believe that it’s been another year of isolation. I never thought that it would be me, but recently I have put a name to the feeling that has been growing for several years. Aloneness.

Growing up I always wanted a large family. A house of kids running around- laughing, playing games, being outside, hiking, camping, going to church- sharing the things I love doing. Where did my plan deviate? I was going to finish school and become a chaplain or a deacon. Raise a family to love the outdoors and be  active.

“Where did my plan deviate” is where it falls apart. Four wonderful children, and a hard working wife is what I have been blessed with. Yet I still feel lonely. Life has not at all been what I laid out for myself. I worry too much about tomorrow…

Quarantine has been so long for us and like many it’s taking a toll. Looking back, I think that the biggest toll that it took on my family was in our spiritual walk. We had just found a church that felt comfortable to call home. The pastors are amazing, and I was even blessed to obtain employment with them. Then church went virtual. Don’t get me wrong it was amazing to see how God put all the right people at Bethel to pivot. From inspiring creativity for Sunday school, to curve of the technology, and the adaptive nature of the pastors. Not to mention the grace of the congregation when things don’t go super smoothly. Two years later we know more, except more, but we also lost something by gaining convenience. My family lost the community of others. Growing up around people, attending studies and Sunday School, and participating in building a support network. My wife and I are at different levels of comfort and it has brought friction into the house. The friction adding to the feeling of loneliness. How do we find that common ground once again? Will it happen today or tomorrow? Why do I feel alone in a house full of laughing and running around? Why do I feel their sickness hinders the family? It sure doesn’t slow any of them down! I have lost my way in my spiritual walk. I am tired of living in fear that we can’t leave the house because somebody will get sick. Well, they have been getting sick. As I write this devotional we begin the battle of Covid in the house. Oh, how much time we have lost with external family and friends living in fear and yet we still get inflicted with what we have been so cautious about. Tomorrow will come but today will pass. I need to trust that the Lord will provide and keep us safe. I need to get back to realizing I am not alone. Recent events and the support of an amazing staff have done just that. Trust in the Lord and he will see us through in this time of darkness. This is what I need to remind myself. So, I want to say thank you for all those in my life. For the Bethel community.

Prayer: Dear God, forgive my human stubbornness to think that my plan for life is the way it should be. Give me strength to see through my blindness of fear of the things that I can’t control. Give me courage to accept the help of those that surround me even when I don’t know it. I pray for those that have strayed from Your path as I have that we may be nudged back into place on the path you have laid for us. Please help me to remember how much You love me and are the one who carries me through even when I turn from You. In Your name I pray. Amen.