"I am not afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around."

Psalm 3:6 (Augsburg Fortress Newly Revised Lutheran Study Bible)

I’ve always struggled with anxiety. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder at 6 and social anxiety disorder later on. It’s always been a part of me, so I became really good at coping with it. But like many others, the pandemic caused these issues that I had been able to cope with in the past, to escalate to whole new levels of mental stress and torture. I can confidently say those spikes were some of the darkest times of my life so far. But like all things in life, it changed and got better.

This verse really spoke to my battles with social anxiety specifically. I have had those moments of crippling doubt, where I could barely cope with the idea of getting out of bed, much less with the idea of interacting with people. It felt like I had a constant presence of potential threats surrounding me, just waiting to strike and cause pain; be that emotional, mental, or physical. Luckily for me, it has gotten better. Now that is not to say it magically had gone away, but I found through the help of my doctors, my family, and God, I again have my rhythm back, which the pandemic had previously caused me to lose. It had honestly felt like seeing the sun for the first time after years in the cold dark. This is what truly spoke to me with this verse, when before I felt that I was surrounded by thousands of threats, now they are still there, but they can no longer hurt me. God gave the ability to suddenly look past this potential and see the actual.

This has been such a blessing and huge change in my life recently. I had struggled against these perceived enemies for so long that to suddenly not feel them gave me such a stark sense of relief that many times in the beginning I was almost lost in the feeling. Things that felt impossible before, such as striking up a conversation with someone new, or joining a club/event without a safety net of the known, was suddenly possible and doable. I am now suddenly able to meet and talk to new people at school, able to join clubs, all without being stuck behind my armor or isolation.

Prayer: Dear God, thank You for giving me this relief, this blessing, and I ask that You give the strength to anyone suffering through something similar, so that they too can heal and feel the open air of freedom from the burdens of the past.